No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
