Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
