You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
