dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
