So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
