i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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