Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
