Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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