I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
