So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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