the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
