yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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