it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Randomize
