when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
