I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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