final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
