did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
