So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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