Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
