i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
