I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
