you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
