I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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