hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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