Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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