Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
