i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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