All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
