eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
