im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
