i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
