Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
