well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This baby is an asshole
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
