I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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