I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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