please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
