He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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