hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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