it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
