I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
