Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
