If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
