I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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