so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
