my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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