I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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