Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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