I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
