Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
