he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
