we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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