He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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