so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
