You really coming over, don't trick.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
