he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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